Marriage

This morning, we are celebrating finishing our series on Nehemiah. Some are like, yes, finally. Others are a bit disappointed. I hope that you have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed preaching it, being very challenged by it.

It's not a book that I can say I knew very well before I went into it and studied it. So I thank God for what He's shown me in it, and man, I have been challenged by this man, Nehemiah. I've been challenged by the word of God in this time, in this history of Israel. And we are dealing with the last section of Nehemiah chapter 13, and nothing has changed. It is just as challenging.

It is just as challenging. So I want to, as a way of introduction, just mention that the topic we will be talking about is one that's quite sensitive to many people in our church. We're going to be talking about marriage. And we're going to be talking especially of marriage to unbelievers, to non-Christians, and what the Bible has to say about that. Now first off, I want to say that because this is a very sensitive topic for many of us, many of us have been in bad marriages.

Many of us have been in marriages that have really hurt us, and some of us might even be in marriages now that are hurting. And some of us may have become Christians only later in a non-Christian marriage while our spouse remained resolutely non-Christian. And some of us married women or men. Some of us have married women or men that we discover to be later on to be not Christians, to be not believers, having entered into this covenant under false pretences. And some of us are remaining in marriages with spouses who are far from God, and we remain on our knees day and night for them, praying for their salvation and for their hearts to be changed. Now, I want to say just one thing this morning before we start.

And if you find yourself in one of these situations, know that you are loved, that nothing and no one can separate you from the love of Christ. You are loved by us, your church. You are loved by your brothers and sisters in the faith, and that we are praying with you, that you are welcome in a place filled with broken sinners, spiritual street kids that have been adopted by a great big, gracious dad. That is who we are. That is all we can claim to be.

And so as we open the scriptures today, we hear some words that will be hard for us to take in. It may awaken pain in us, but please know that the wisdom of God, although it may bring conviction of sin in our hearts, the wisdom of God, the Apostle Paul calls Jesus Christ Himself. That Jesus is the wisdom of God, and that you are cherished and that you are promised restoration by God Himself through Jesus Christ. That's the end of the story. So having started that, we also have to say the truth of God is the truth of God, and that He has some things to say to us whether they are comfortable or not.

So as we wrap up our series in the book of Nehemiah, let's look at how God deals with issues of marriage, and let us allow our hearts and our souls to be convicted by it and to be made more wise in our thinking. And that can be for people that are experiencing the pain of that, or it can be a warning for the rest of us unmarried people looking to marry one day. So let's have a look at Nehemiah chapter 13, our very last passage in the book, verses 23 to the end of the chapter. This is what Nehemiah writes in his account of what happened on his return to Jerusalem. Verse 23 in chapter 13.

Moreover, in those days, I saw men of Judah who had married women from Ashdod and Ammon and Moab. Half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod or the language of one of the other peoples and did not know how to speak the language of Judah. I rebuked them and called curses down on them. I beat some of the men and pulled out their hair. I made them take an oath in God's name and said, you are not to give your daughters in marriage to their sons, nor are you to take their daughters in marriage for your sons or yourselves.

Was it not because of marriages like these that Solomon, king of Israel, sinned? Among the many nations, there was no king like him. He was loved by his God, and God made him king over all of Israel. But even he was led into sin by foreign women. Must we hear now that you too are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?

One of the sons of Joida, son of Eliashib, the high priest, was son-in-law to Sanballat the Horonite, and I drove him away from me. Remember them, oh my God, because they defiled the priestly office and the covenant of the priesthood and of the Levites. So I purified the priests and the Levites of everything foreign and assigned them duties, each to his own task. I also made provision for contributions of wood at designated times and for the first fruits. Remember me with favour, oh my God.

And that is how Nehemiah ends his story. Now we've been looking at Nehemiah the last few weeks, Nehemiah chapter 13, and we've seen the context of what's happened here. Nehemiah retired. Nehemiah went back to Persia after having been governor and being involved in the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem and having led a phenomenal spiritual revolution of the people in Jerusalem. And he returns and he takes his paycheck, his pension check, and he goes back to Persia, but he hears it's not going well many years later.

And he decides to go back to Jerusalem, this city that he loves so much. And he finds a lot of backsliding has taken place. And so today, we see that one of these issues of backsliding was that the next generation of Jews were starting to marry neighbouring nations' men and women. Verse 23 begins and says, in those days I saw men of Judah who had married women from Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. Now you may remember, if you know your Old Testament history, that the nations of Moab and Ammon and Ashdod, for that matter as well, were arch enemies of Israel.

From the day that the Israelites crossed the Jordan into the promised land, their neighbours, the neighbouring nations around them, the Ammonites and the Moabites, were cursing the Israelites. They prevented them from receiving the blessings of God. The hundreds of years later, sort of progression that took place with the kings of David and Solomon that established Israel as a nation, they were constantly at war with these people. And so there's a history here where God says to His people that they are to not intermarry with these nations. They are to remain unattached in marriage from them.

Now a lot of people may read this and think this is actually quite racist. This is a racial issue. The Bible is sort of promoting a pure national heritage here. But the issue, if you understand correctly, if you understand what's going on here, it's got nothing to do with race, but everything to do with spirituality. This is a religious thing.

Now the prophet Malachi, the last prophet of the Old Testament, existed in this time. And we get a bit of an insight, a peek through the curtains here of the spiritual turmoil that is going on in this very issue of intermarriage. Let's quickly, if you have your Bibles, flip to Malachi two. And it's just a glimpse in Malachi two verse 11 that is speaking exactly to what is going on, not just in Judah, but in Jerusalem itself. It is mentioned by name here.

Malachi is a prophet. He is speaking prophecies to God's people, asking them, begging them to turn back to Him in faithfulness. And this one verse illustrates what's going on. Malachi two verse 11 begins like this: Judah has broken faith.

Judah has become unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. Judah has desecrated the sanctuary of the Lord, the sanctuary the Lord loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. It doesn't mention a race name. It doesn't mention Moab or Ammon or Ashdod.

It mentions the daughter of a foreign god. The issue is a spiritual issue, not a national or a nationality issue. We see Malachi speaking directly into the situation of Nehemiah. He puts the finger right on the pulse that this is a spiritual problem. And Nehemiah goes on and he says that the issue is affecting it so much that it's not just this one generation, it is flowing and spilling over to the next generation. He says that there are kids born into these relationships, half of them who could not speak Hebrew anymore, could not speak the language of Judah.

Now, again, this isn't a racial thing. The reality is the practical reality is that the spiritual language of Judah is Hebrew. The scriptures are written in Hebrew. The preaching of God's word is in Hebrew. The singing of psalms together as God's people is in Hebrew.

And here are the kids who don't understand. How could these children of intermarried relationships worship the God of the covenant if they didn't understand this language? Nehemiah becomes so angry at these very unfair situations. How selfish could they be? I mean, it's not the kids' fault.

You could argue it's not even the non-believers' fault. How do they know? Why would this be important for them? No. Nehemiah gets angry at the Christians, at the believers.

He gets angry at those who choose to marry non-believers, and we saw and we laugh about it. Verse 25 says he rebukes them. He curses them. He gets into his MMA style fighting, and he does some kickboxing, pulling out their hair. I'm not sure if that's involved in kickboxing.

And he applies God's word very physically. He applies it with a fist to the face. He says to them, don't you remember, guys? Don't you remember? We were in the exile because of these very same things.

Your grandparents sat in Persia and before that Babylon for the very same things. Our greatest king, King Solomon, who had everything at his feet, his dad worked so hard for this kingdom, lost it all because he married a thousand women, and some of them led him astray because they were non-believers. He lost everything, and our nation has never been the same because of it. And guys, now you are doing the same thing. How shortsighted are you?

How stupid are you? We see Nehemiah goes on and he takes on a person that he mentions by name, Joida, in verse 28, who is the son of the high priest Eliashib. And Eliashib, we've seen earlier in chapter 13 already because he's the idiot that allowed Tobiah, the Ammonite, to live in the temple. An unbeliever living in the sacred dwelling place of God. Eliashib allows his descendant to marry a Samaritan.

He is the son-in-law of Sanballat the Horonite. Now there's a bit of debate about this, I believe, because there's another Sanballat mentioned in Nehemiah who's a Samaritan. And again, Samaritans were not true believers of God. So and Sanballat was one of the arch enemies, arch nemesis of Nehemiah himself, resisting the walls being rebuilt. So it's just so messy.

It is so unfortunate, and Nehemiah says that he drives Jehoiada away from him, which literally means he kicks him out of the city. This is the son of the high priest who probably stood in line to become a priest or a high priest if he wasn't already a priest. He kicks him out of the city. He drives him out. He excommunicates him in a sense.

Nehemiah writes in his prayer in verse 29, remember them, oh my God, because they defiled the priestly office. These guys who were meant to keep You and Your word holy. They have defiled the priestly office and the covenant of the priesthood and the Levites. It's again what Malachi is referring to, isn't it, in Malachi two? This is a spiritual issue.

The son of the high priest is sinning in this way. Malachi calls it the desecrating of the sanctuary of the Lord. We may ask, why is it such a big deal to God who we marry? Well, let me first qualify that by saying this. God actually gives us very few qualifications on who to marry.

He gives us very few hard and fast rules about finding a suitable marriage partner. He says nothing about things that we think is important. He doesn't have anything to say about how good they must look in a bikini. He doesn't have anything to say about how often they should be working out or how much they should earn or how intelligent they may be. God has actually very few qualifications for marriage, but the one that stands out is that marriage must be to a child of mine.

We are the ones that complicate marriage. We are the ones who major in the minors, who look at things which really aren't that important, how often they work out, and we make that a priority. And then whether they are a believing, repentant Christian is not. We make that a low priority. We are the ones that complicate things.

God doesn't. We are the ones who start wondering, have I really married the right person? Are they really fulfilling me? Are they really that stimulating to me? Will they love me enough?

These are not the questions that God asks of marriage. John Piper says, do you want to know whether you've married the right person or not? Look at your Christian marriage certificate and look at their ID, and if the names line up, then you've married the right person. Why is it so important to God that we are married to believers? Why is it so important to Him that we don't compromise on that?

Well, firstly, it's because marriage is sacred. Christianity professes that marriage is a sacred relationship which is initiated by God since the foundation of the world. Genesis two verse 18 onwards shows that two eligible people, and again, the eligible people are female and male, may enter into this divine relationship with the assurance that this union is recognised by God and especially blessed by Him. We see that this is a universal decree. It is a universal circumstance which is part of God's common grace, His grace and His love experienced by all, whether you are a believer or not.

It is a relationship existing since the beginning of time which we hear confirmed again by the mouth of Jesus in Matthew 19:4 where He says, what God has joined together, let no one separate. The union of two people in marriage, therefore, is a sacred thing. And that is true whether someone believes that or not, whether someone understands that or not. It is irrespective of their ability to understand a sacred thing. But then in addition to this, we see throughout scripture so often instances like Nehemiah 13 that shows us that God has specifically intended His children to be very careful not to marry someone who doesn't share the same faith in Him.

And this is not only true for the Old Testament, but it is true for the New. And there are several New Testament passages which lend their support to this as well. Paul the Apostle talks about being equally yoked, or he says it in the reverse, don't be unequally yoked. Two Corinthians 6 verse yoked together, who are tied together to pull a heavy load. In order for them to equally pull this load, they have to be tied together side by side.

If the one ox is standing a bit further ahead and the other one is standing behind and they're not quite square, then the one ox will do none of the carrying while the other one does all of it. Being married to a non-Christian is like two oxen being unequally yoked. But then there are issues of motive that the Old Testament touches on as well that I think is very relevant here. In Matthew 6:33, I think, gives us a very good ethic and principle about this. In Matthew 6, Jesus admonishes His disciples to put the kingdom of God first.

The adverb first suggested in this passage suggests that the interests of the Lord should be above all. Now the big question for anyone who considers marrying a non-Christian should be, can I honestly say that if I unite myself in the most intimate, even spiritual relationship that exists to mankind, if I unite myself in this way with an unbeliever, is that really granting Christ to reign in the highest place in my life, and by extension, highest place in the life of my family? Will Christ come first? Will His kingdom come first? Will my partner encourage and spur me on to be disciplining myself and attending corporate worship together on Sundays?

Will they be okay and accept me giving our money away to this church? Will they allow our children to come and be categorised and be taught at Sunday school about this God who they do not believe in? So many Christians I know can testify to the fact that their spiritual lives have been made infinitely more difficult by marrying those who do not share a common commitment in Christ. To say nothing of bringing children into an environment where their divergent spiritual influences conflict all the time. Now, there have been some Christians who have married unbelievers and who have, by God's sovereign grace, been able to witness them coming to faith.

But friends, it hardly stacks up to the many more instances that I have seen of believers who have weakened under such ongoing strain, which ultimately led to them abandoning their devotion to Jesus Christ and to their heavenly father. I told you it's going to be hard today. And some people might ask me, well, if it's true love, then why can't we have it? If God created love between two people, why aren't we allowed to enjoy that love in marriage? But these questions are often so narrow because it focuses on the here and the now, on those feelings of love, on their right to be happy right here and now.

But they often forget the harder and the broader points of what is my motive here? If they are not Christian, then they have an opinion and a personal standpoint that conflicts with my faith. They have a standpoint on faith and its validity for life that is not congruent with mine. Will they really be supportive of my faith all the time? A longer perspective, a broader view will ask questions like this instead.

I might be happy now if I get married, but how will I feel knowing that my life partner may not end up in heaven alongside me? How can we go through our life with that question? They are the type of questions that will haunt you your entire married life. So the question is, is that something you want to enter into? Let alone bringing children into a situation with that sort of stress.

Now let's face it, even Christian marriages can have some serious friction. This is not to say that other marriages won't. Even Christian marriages have serious friction. Like the story of a man who had a fight with his wife, and they were giving each other the silent treatment. And one day, the man realised that he would need to have his wife wake him up at 5 AM in the morning for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first, however, to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper and placed it next to her bed, please wake me at 5 AM. The next morning, the man woke up only to discover it was 9 AM and that he had completely missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed the piece of paper by the bed saying, it is 5 AM. Wake up. Even the best Christian marriages are going to be tough.

But imagine that eternal spiritual friction. It'll make it even tougher. And so in finishing, the warning not to marry non-believers is all well and good for people who aren't married yet, but what of those of us who are now in marriages where there is a spouse who is not a believer? What happens if you became a Christian only much later in married life? Well, let me first say there is hope.

There is always hope. God is mighty to save. Our scriptures promise us. He is wonderful and He is gracious. We cannot ever forget that. We have to keep praying.

We have to keep inviting that spouse. We have to be an example of God's incredible, remarkable grace, and we have to love in that relationship. But there is a challenge here. Even in what we find in Nehemiah 13 this morning, there is a challenge here for those who have entered marriages with non-believers, and the challenge to us is this, that you have to repent and that you have to turn around from the disposition that led you to make that decision in the first place. The motive that would make you think, I know what God has to say about this, but I will do it my way.

We have to turn from that disposition, but then we also have to set our mind and our heart toward the goal of making Christ seek the kingdom first choices from here on in. There may be choices in our lives which will have consequences, but God in His limitless, all-pursuing, loving power is able to redeem all of our mistakes. That is our hope, friends, and He will do it one way or another. But these are hard lessons that may be learnt, and we have learnt that obedience to God is always for our good. Obedience to God is always for our own good.

The Psalm writer says that His law is but our mistakes also become fertile soil for the mercy of God to do wonderful things. Please know that Jesus' love and God's grace is much bigger than your mistake. Even though we may experience a lot of pain because of those mistakes, friends, your forgiveness is assured. Your salvation has been won once and for all. That is the promise of the gospel, the promise of the truth of Jesus on the cross, that your sacrifice has been made on behalf of you.

And so it is not ironic, it is not an accident or coincidence that we see in those times of the prophet Malachi talking about the heartbreak of these priests who have desecrated the sanctuary, priests who have entered into marriages with unbelieving spouses. These priests who were to lead their people as examples of consecrating their lives to God, these priests married Ammonites and Moabites and so on. But it is not a coincidence that in their failure, we see a foreshadowing of a high priest who would come, who would offer up a sacrifice completely perfect, completely eternal. It took place on a universal heavenly stage that surpassed any sacrifice that could be made by any flawed human being, even in Nehemiah's time. It was a sacrifice for sin that was powerful, friends, and effective in every sense, and it was a sacrifice that was made for you and for me, for sinners who need forgiveness.

I want to finish this morning by reading from Hebrews, which sums this up magnificently. Hebrews 9:11, and I'll sort of just jump around a little bit here. The writer understands the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross and he interprets it in this way. He says, when Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here, He, who is Jesus, went through the greater and the more perfect tabernacle. He entered that sanctuary, but it is not the sanctuary, the tabernacle that is man-made.

He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves the way that the human priest did, but he entered the most holy place once and for all by His own blood, obtaining eternal redemption. Verse 14, how much then? With the blood of Christ, who through the eternal spirit offered Himself unblemished to God, how much then will He cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death so that we may serve the living God, so that we may worship for the rest of our days this God. Completely cleansed, completely purified, with the power to redeem. God calls us to a high calling, friends.

God calls us to a life that is ultimately for our own good. Believe Him, trust Him even when it doesn't make sense right here and now. Even when your eyes fail you in searching. Believe Him. Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for your grace. For your mercy is new every morning. How great is your faithfulness. For some of us, there is pain. For some of us, there is anxiety and fear.

I pray by your spirit that you will bring healing and restoration. I pray, Lord, that you will bring a redeeming of situations that seem lost. I pray, Lord, that you will protect us and our spouses and our children, that you will lead them to yourself. I pray, Lord, that you will assure in us your forgiveness, that we will feel completely confident in your love for us, that you will crush the weight of guilt and shame. And then, Father, in light of this, in light of the sacrifice that was paid for us, cleansing us from the acts that lead to death, cleansing us from that, Father, may we understand the so that aspect as well, so that we may live, so that we may serve the living God.

Father, give us the grace, the wisdom, the perseverance, the discipline to change what needs to be changed in our lives. Give us the willingness to accept your truth as it speaks loudly and hardly into our lives. We pray, Lord, that through this all, we may see the salvation in Jesus Christ, that we may see the restoration we find in Him, and that we may ultimately glorify your name even in the midst of our brokenness. We ask in Jesus' name. Amen.